The double agent ([info]double_agent15) wrote,
@ 2007-10-10 23:16:00
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I could probably sit here and type for a couple of hours about everything that I am stressed out about, and how I really just feel stuck at the moment. But, my wrists are really hurting today despite ice packs etc.
I'd worry about it in terms of interpreting etc. if I wasn't so sure it was just muscular... going to try some of that A5/35 type stuff and see if that helps.
But, there is just one thought and one thought only
It's pretty damn sad when the only way to stop everything that is going on in your head is to crank up the music as loud as it can go, and then start interpreting it because that is the only way that you can stop everything going on, and just focus yourself.
It just really sucks and I dislike this
massively

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[info]bloodtears1
2007-10-11 01:53 pm UTC (link)
deal with whats stressing you out.
it will probably help your wrists.

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[info]double_agent15
2007-10-12 02:17 am UTC (link)
I would agree, but it's not where I tense up when I'm stressed, and a LOT of what I'm stressed out about isn't actually anything that I can control or resolve, so there is only so much I can deal with it beyond acknowledging that I am stressed out about it and why. But that doesn't change the situations or why they upset me.

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[info]mela_4_me
2007-10-11 03:05 pm UTC (link)
Sweetheart, I know you are stressed right now, but stop a minute and think back to how things were a few years ago, when you and I first met. In comparison, things are so much better for you. Even though you are stressed right now, you are coping in much more healthy ways. Don't forget, also.....stressful times do pass.

Love and snuggles,
Pammyla

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[info]double_agent15
2007-10-12 02:30 am UTC (link)
I'm not trying to say that I don't know how things were then, and how I would have dealt with them then vs how I am dealing with them now aren't very different. I was having that exact conversation with someone last week. I guess it's just that at this exact moment, I know that a lot of what is stressing me out will pass, and it's just that a lot of it I have no control over, it's all external factors that some things I have to wait before I act on because I want to know all of the information before I make any kind of decision, some things affect me but I don't get to make any of the decisions related to it, some things I just don't have the power or position to change things, and in others I'm just too frustrated at the moment to be able to say or do anything effectively.
So, that leaves me with a lot of things sitting on my shoulders that at the moment, I don't have a lot I can do to move them. So the best I can do is distract etc.
I guess for me the biggest difference between now and then is before things were really bad, for sure, there is no denying that, but it was in my power to change things and seek help etc. Now, some of what is bothering me is for sure in my power to change, some of it it just isn't the right time to change it yet, so I have to wait and be patient, other things I can and am doing things about, and still others just aren't my call to make, and they can affect me, and worry me, but they aren't my decisions, so there really isn't anything I can do.
So ya, it's hard. It's hard to be able to let go because there is nothing you can do, but it is going to impact you no matter what.

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