The truth is hard to know

double_agent15 @ 2009-04-18T23:39:00

2009-04-19T03:40:40Z

Since apparently I have too much to say and a lot of nothing to say all at the same time, I'll post a stolen meme instead (thanks Bexy ;-) )

Comment on this entry, and I will:
1. Tell you why I friended you.
2. Associate you with something - fandom, a song, a color, a photo, a word etc.
3. Tell you something I like about you.
4. Tell you a memory I have of you.
5. Ask something I've always wanted to know about you.
6. Tell you my favorite user pic of yours.
7. In return, you must post this in your LJ

double_agent15 @ 2008-10-21T17:39:00

2008-10-21T21:39:31Z

*cue the storm cloud over my head*
Today is NOT a good day
*grrrrrrr*

Introspectiveness.... YAY

2008-07-22T04:29:43Z

So this is just the disclaimer that this is me thinking aloud.... I'm getting pretty tired of just thinking in my head so I've decided to make some of it public.... Feel free to ignore it

I think the first thing about me is that whatever I do I do intensely. Which can be a really good thing, it means that I love intensely, it means that I put everything that I have into anything I care about, I am a good friend because I am there no matter what, and I think for the most part the fact that I truly care about people and what I do shows.

Doing everything intensely can also be a bad thing... It means that whatever I feel can sometimes feel huge, bigger than me, which is great when there are positive emotions there, but not so great if I am feeling lonely, neglected, sad, upset or frustrated. The thing about being an intense person is that there is no on or off switch to the intensity and so the frustration and anger can bubble over just as much as the enthusiasm for something spreads. It also means that I can take an incredible amount of energy to be around or to work on things with. And it also means that I get easily frustrated when people don't share the same passion for things that I do regardless of what those things might be.

I think in part for me I knit to temper myself and even things out a little. It gives me patience when I am feeling incredibly and intensely impatient, it keeps me occupied when I am bored because I am doing something productive even while I am sitting around with nothing to do, and there are a whole lot of other reasons. It is why when I get too hyper or worked up or whatever people can and do literally tell me to go and knit. It keeps me out of trouble a lot. But, this isn't actually a post about knitting.

I can't stand being bored, possibly because it feels like the depths of my soul are being ripped out in painful ways when people ask me to stop and do nothing and just relax. And the truth of it is that for me relaxing is more in terms of the volume of what I do, and not the intensity. Tonight I took a "quiet" night for me. I've been finding that I need to do that a lot lately, but tonight especially given the insanity that was work today. But even still in that quietness, I didn't actually spend any time doing nothing. I spent over an hour on the phone with a friend of mine who I've not talked to in a couple of weeks, I continued spinning the merino silk I bought on Saturday, that I am going to learn how to navajo ply on so I can decide whether I want to 2 ply or navajo ply the other fibre I'm spinning at the moment, I knit, and I thought about things that were on my mind. Tried to put together a cover letter for a job that is due in a couple of days (You would think that it wouldn't be that hard for me given my work this summer, but this is actually a really specific cover letter for me so it is a bit of a challenge) checked on all kinds of stuff for school, and just generally, did things, I didn't stop for a minute. And for me this is actually a quiet evening.

Yes sometimes I do actually stop. Take the moment to just enjoy the company of someone else, if they are the right person, but I also find the more that is going on in my life the less likely I am to stop. The more that is going on, the more I need to keep going, keep doing things, because if I stop the world will end. The plans that I'm making at the moment for the future, are insane.... Not in terms of feasibility because I think that is somewhat realistic, just in terms of scale.... It's fucking huge and insane.... But yet I have boundless energy and enthusiasm for it because that is who I am and what I do.

I'm thinking about going away for a weekend, go camping just me. (If in the mess that is the next few weeks before school starts I can find the time) thinking about doing an outward-bound type weekend.... Not so much in terms of the hike alone 5 k into the woods with nothing but a tent, minimal food, some matches and a journal, but not too far off from that either..... To just be me and to force myself to stop. Because I don't stop so good, and usually when stopping happens it can get ugly. No one who is reading this now knew me the last time I put off stopping like this. However, the blog here was started out of that aftermath. Which, I'd sort of like to avoid if possible.

I don't know... I think for me I just find things weird... I've been thinking a lot about living in the moment, and thinking a lot about how I interact with people on a day to day level and taking the time to think about what I do and why, and how, and what I like and what I don't like, but stopping to actually make the changes that I want to see is hard.

I've also been thinking a lot about how I feel about the world, about the program I am in, about all kinds of things, about things I wish I had time to do, and things that are important enough for me to make sure that I have the time to do them. I want to create things. Create things that are mine. Knitting is wonderful, but right now I want more ownership of something than that. Spinning is cool because you can take more credit, but I actually want something less niche..... I've been listening to the back episodes of Lime and Violet, and I'm almost caught up, and they keep talking about art journalling. I think that is a really cool idea. I just wish that I could draw worth anything.

I don't know.... I'm just thinking a lot about a lot of things right now. It's why to pretty much anyone who isn't Bexy ( ;-) ) I've been pretty quiet lately... I've been looking at sort of where a lot of people have been, and how that has evolved to where they are now, and how I can pull little bits and pieces of that into me. Looking at how to be able to use all of this intensity inside of me to do something that is worth doing, something that I love, and can love, an wake up every day wanting to do. And then actually use that to make change.

I don 't know.... I know that because of what I feel, who I am, what I do and how I choose to act, I can change things. I' ve said that again and again and know that recognizing that isn't the problem. It is what and how and why and being able to stand up there and just do it. Not that the guts thing has ever been my problem

*shrugs*
I don't know....
Just things I've been thinking about....
Take what you like, ignore the rest.
I'm sure there will be more like this soon...
I don't see the thoughts stopping lol
No one can say I have an underactive brain

double_agent15 @ 2008-06-04T23:02:00

2008-06-05T03:30:23Z

I think I'm going to be a bit of a postwhore tonight, posting both here and on my other LJ shoshcrafts but oh well, I guess it is to make up for not posting anything in forever. You would think that now that I am done school I would have more time, but no... Of course not LOL.

In the last little bit, I have had the pleasure of getting to know a few, I will say boys, but I suppose that is because I am in the awkward stage where I still think of them as boys, but they aren't really so much anymore, who have been raised correctly by their parents. My team at work is 3 guys and 2 girls, and it is strange being the in the minority since women have pretty much had the majority at home for well, forever lol. And also from getting to know Ryan as well.

Now when I say that they have been raised correctly, I mean that they know how men are supposed to treat women, they hold the door, do all the carrying of stuff without being asked to, pay to take a girl out to dinner or for a date whatever. All of the ideals of how men are supposed to treat women.

Now, to be clear, I'm not trying to say that I have a problem with this at all. Given that most of the guys I have met in my life prior to this point have been complete assholes, this has been a really really interesting change for me. I think I maybe consider myself to be boyshy. Not in the classic "oh, you're male, therefore I'm going to get all shy and bashful and don't know what to say to you" kind of way, but in the, I really have no idea how to let go of any of my independence and let someone else do anything for me, no matter what my relationship with them is.

I had a conversation with a guy at work, and we were talking about dating, and he was saying stuff about taking the girl out to dinner, and all of that, and it just keeps hitting me how strange it feels to me when people do that kind of stuff for me. It isn't that I don't appreciate it, or think it is sweet or any of those things, it is just that when I am in a relationship I tend to cling really tightly to my independence. I don't know why I see letting someone else do something nice for me as losing my independence, but I do. If a guy (even as a friend or colleague ) goes to lift something because it is heavy and they have been taught that they should do those things for women I'm like.... "....... you know... I can do that for myself...." I'm not going to break because I have to lift 10 pounds, I promise. It always makes me feel weird if someone takes me out on a date and they pay. And I don't even know why. It isn't that I think that this is wrong of these guys. Not at all, it is cute and sweet, and honourable of them. It is really nice to see that there are guys out there who aren't creeps and know how to treat women properly. I guess it just isn't how I expect to be treated by other people. I don't know, maybe it is pride that I can do things for myself, that I can be creative, and handy and thrifty, and can work to be an equal in a relationship on all levels be it strength, financially, manners-wise, whatever. Maybe I've just never really had this experience before so I don't know what to do with it. It's just strange though, because I'm not a high-maintenance kind of person, and so when it is so engrained in someone that hey, I'm a guy, she's a girl, we're going somewhere the two of us, we have to carry something heavy, I'm the guy, of course I'll take it" happens without even a thought. It's really really strange, at least for me. I feel special and cared about, and all of those things that those actions are meant to show. I just have a really hard time with accepting that it doesn't mean that I mean less, or that I am less capable of doing things for myself because I let someone else do something for me.

I don't know... It's really strange. I'm finding that I really do like these guys, not necessarily in a relationship kind of way at all, but just in the how they show respect to people, and treat people kind of way. It's just really weird and new to me, and it's something that I always notice. *shrugs* It was just something that I've been thinking about the last few days, that when you find guys who truly respect women and know how to treat them properly it is really obvious in everything that they do. I just don't really know how that meshes with what my ideals of independence are....

double_agent15 @ 2008-04-09T00:12:00

2008-04-09T04:14:22Z

Don't talk to me about upgrading computers right now
And for the record even though you don't read this, Christine, I blame this one entirely on you
If you hadn't called and if I hadn't assured you that I was not installing my OS again because it had failed, but rather just to upgrade it..... I would NOT be sitting here with a dead laptop....

At least I bought the extended warrenty to go along with the new software?
And at least the warrenty covers the software too?

double_agent15 @ 2008-04-03T23:42:00

2008-04-04T03:44:06Z

I think I've FINALLY made a decision about what I'm going to do for school next year.

All I have to do now is convince my teachers that this is the right choice and right path for me.

I just hope that somehow this all manages to work out, because if it doesn't....
Wow....
Ya, it isn't going to be so good

This has been stuck on repeat for awhile now

2008-03-20T03:06:17Z

just the thought
of our bed
makes me crumble like the plaster
where you punched the wall beside my bed
and I try
to draw the line
but it ends up running down the middle of me
most of the time

boys get locked up in some prison
girls get locked up in some house
and it don't matter if it's a warden
or a lover
or a spouse
you just can't talk to 'em
you just can't reason
you just can't leave
and you just can't please 'em

I was locked
into being my mother's daughter
I was just eating bread and water
thinking
nothing ever changes
and I was shocked
to see the mistakes of each generation
will just fade like a radio station
if you drive out of range

If you're not angry
you're just stupid
or you don't care
how else can you react
when you know
something's so unfair
the men of the hour
can kill half the world in war
make them slaves to a super power
and let them die poor

I was locked
into being my mother's daughter
I was just eating bread and water
thinking
nothing ever changes
and I was shocked
to see the mistakes of each generation
will just fade like a radio station
if you drive out of range

just the thought
of our bed
makes me crumble like the plaster
where you punched the wall beside my bed
and I try
to draw the line
but it ends up running down the middle of me
most of the time

baby I love you
that's why I'm leaving
there's no talking to you
and there's no pleasing you
and I care enough
that I'm mad
that half the world don't even know
what they could have had

I was locked
into being my mother's daughter
I was just eating bread and water
thinking
nothing ever changes
and I was shocked
to see the mistakes of each generation
will just fade like a radio station
if you drive out of range

Snow? What Snow?

2008-03-09T16:41:16Z

While most of the world has been embracing the fact that it is now March (and less than a week until my Birthday *YAY*!) and that generally means that spring is just about here and we are free from this dreaded thing called winter, Over here in Southern Ontario it just seems to mean that it is another month of winter.

Within the past week we have had 2 major snow storms, and the TV has been telling us that for the past 2 months we have been seeing an average of one snowstorm every 3 days dumping 10 cm (4 inches) of snow or more on us unsuspecting public. Right now you can't buy a shovel or salt in this city for love or money, and the municipalities have pretty much run out of salt for the winter that is how bad it has been.

Now in case any of you haven't heard, we were supposed to get hit with the winter's worst storm yet this weekend, just about everything was cancelled in anticipation of the storm, as we left school on Friday they'd cancelled all weekend classes, my friend got called in and told not to come to work on Saturday, and this was all before we had seen any hint of snowfall.

And to make matters worse, the year in which Toronto has seen the most snow was 1939. At that point over the winter they had 207.4 cm of snow. Before the snowfall Toronto was approximately 30 cm away from reaching that record.

So Saturday morning I woke up and it was snowing, no real surprise, but it wasn't that bad, even though there was already about 10 cm on the ground. I go out, get a bit of shopping done and end up over at Manna's house for the evening. We have dinner, watch a movie, played the watch the rails on the fence disappear game and then I go outside to go home. I had left the windshield wipers on the car set to intermittant when I turned the car off, because I always forget to turn them off. It wasn't until I was a good 5 minutes into clearing off the windshield that the wipers even started trying to move that is how much snow had accumulated on top of the windshield. The snow on the ground came up to where the door opened on the car. But, I manage to get home safely, one of the streets I take home had been plowed and it was actually really fast to get home weather considering. Then, I go to pull into the driveway and get stuck. I had to get Aaron and Dave to shovel me into the driveway. Which as I sat in the car I realized that Dave was taking a couple of days off work because he'd screwed up his back and needed to go see a chiropractor. Ooops.

So when I woke up this morning I decided that I needed to document exactly how ridiculous the snow situation here is because, no one outside of this area is ever going to believe just how much snow really fell. Apparently as of 8:30 last night we were 12 cm away from tying the record, and at this point it's just got to be smashed...

My house, notice that the snow is as tall as the car?

Our front walkway

More of my house

The view looking down my street

Aaron who is taller than me in front of a snow bank, which is clearly, taller than him

Me in front of a different snow bank

The house across the street. Notice that the snow is at least 2/3 of the way up the basketbal pole

Then We decided that it would be a good idea to take Jake out for a walk, because as much as he and Jewel play in the backyard, he doesn't get a lot of chances to go out for a walk being that it is so damn cold and slippery out there right now, and well, we wanted to see what the rest of the block looked like.

Jake in front of a snowbank, notice just how much taller than him it is

Cars hidden by the snow

Ya, overall, it is absolutely insane out there...
But clearly, I'm sitting inside working diligently on my homework....
clearly....

double_agent15 @ 2008-02-24T20:34:00

2008-02-25T03:01:42Z

Wow,
What a weekend it has been
Leah and I were in Montreal this weekend because Leah is auditioning for University there (she wants to go to university to become a music teacher, so they want to see her playing proficiency and stuff)

So Friday we drive into Montreal, I'm driving by myself because even though Leah has a license it is just a learner's permit so even with a co-driver she isn't allowed to drive on the highway. So, a 6 hour drive means that ya, it kind of sucks to be me.
So all through Ontario the drive was pretty much fine, a little bit nerve wearing at parts, but it was manageable, lots of kick-up on the road though so I'm going through a lot of wiper fluid. When we stop to get gas, I check all the fluids, including the wiper fluid (see, I am smart and do know how to take care of a car) and it's low, but there is still a decent amount. So, we get back in the car, and drive, and drive, and continue driving and then we get into Quebec, and I don't like the Quebec highways even though I'm used to them from driving there in the summer, but it's getting dark out there, there's construction, lots of kick up, and then, I run out of windshield wiper fluid. Ya, the next 20 km before I found somewhere to pull off the highway to get more windshield wiper fluid, were not fun. And then my google map directions from getting off the highway to finding the hotel really sucked, so even though we found it easily at that point my nerves were just dead. I couldn't find the parking for the hotel, so I just left Leah in the car on the street while I went in to check in, and when the woman tried to explain to me in words how to get around the block (Montreal is the king of one-way streets) to the parking I almost burst into tears, I was just that sick of driving, sick of not being anywhere I knew, sick of just about everything. Then Leah and I got parked, settled in and all of that, and found food and then all was well.

Then yesterday Leah had her audition, I went out with her, then we went out for lunch and she went back to do her theory and I went to explore Montreal a bit (more about that in my craft blog in a little while) and then I went to meet Leah when she was done, and we were both dead so we went back to the hotel. After we got back there we started researching places to have dinner, since we had decided we were going to go out for a nice dinner to celebrate Leah's audition being over and to make the trip worth it.

So, we pull up the Montreal tourism website and start looking for some options. We had a couple ideas of things to do after dinner so we were looking for restaurants that were near the evening plans, and then we decided to look for restaurants that weren't too far from the hotel. We found one restaurant, and it looked pretty cool, it was traditional quebec cuisine which really appealed to both of us, but we were looking for a restaurant that had an online menu so that we knew there was stuff that we wanted and this website only had some pictures and talking about the fact that a lot of their menu changes every 2 weeks. So we kept looking, but we kept going back to this website, because it looks really good and it is what we really want. So, we have it narrowed down between this one restaurant, and one other that isn't that far away from our hotel (because we decided that we are both exhausted) and we look to see where the other restaurant is, to find out that it is kitty corner to our hotel. So with that decision clearly made for us we start off.

We get to the restaurant, and after telling Leah not to bring her dictionary because their website is in both English and French, find out that the menu is about 75% french, and since they use a lot of strange meats like caribou and rabbit and stuff, the menu was just a little bit hard to read and translate so that we knew what we were getting, eventually we decided on food, and when it came it was absolutely amazing, definitely one of the best meals I have had in a really really long time. But it was just funny because it really did seem like it was fate that we end up going to this restaurant.

Then today we did a bit more running around before we left, had breakfast, drove home, and ya, now we're home and the weekend is over, but wow, it was busy, fun, but ya, now I'm definitely tired. *yawns*

Craft journal

2008-02-19T04:19:28Z

I have started a craft journal
Mostly because I like to keep things organized and separate and realized that linking to this journal through ravelry let a lot of strangers see a whole lot of really personal stuff that I didn't want them to.
So....
Feel free to add my craft journal to your friends list, or not if you really don't care about the fact that I talk about knitting and cross stitch a lot, but the username for it is shoshcrafts

double_agent15 @ 2008-02-11T23:35:00

2008-02-12T05:28:49Z

I = New Dog

I = happy and squealing cute faced ;-)

He may have stolen my heart and may be steadfastly refusing to give it back at the moment...

His name is Jacob, but we're calling him Jake
He's 5 months old
He's a Bichon Frise Shitzu mix

My mommy is not a dog person, but she is in love

double_agent15 @ 2008-02-07T00:22:00

2008-02-07T05:44:06Z

Knitting and I are officially not friends with one another right now

It all started off fairly innocently.
Manna convinced me to cut my teeth on knitting socks
I quickly discovered the addicting nature of sock knitting, began collecting a stash of sock yarn, and may or may not have ended up being a member of 2 sock of the month clubs due to gifts either from Manna... or to myself after surviving stress filled weekends...
I knit up not one but 2 wonderful first pairs of socks
The second one even had a lace pattern in it.
I was enjoying myself
I bought more sock yarn telling myself how hand knit socks were gods gift to knitters, and I developed a master plan.
The master plan is to knit somewhere between 90 and 365 pairs of hand knit socks
For me
So that I don't have to worry about having clean socks on a day to day basis
And can do things like... was my socks once every 3 months and still have a clean pair every day up until then
I thought that this was a great plan

And then... December's sock kit came in the mail
Now originally we hit it off, there were new techniques to try, and despite it being colourwork which I generally avoid, we were doing okay with one another.
Then the realization that this could not be a travel sock project hit me.
Now, I am not monogamous in well.... any part of my life really, and knitting is no exception
I am definitely a polyamorous knitter. I have travel projects, travel projects for when I get bored of my travel projects, projects that I plan on coming back to one day, and long term work on at home projects like a blanket for my mom.
But I also have a short attention span, and I fully believe that the expectation that a sock can be knit in a week is reasonable.
I started these socks I believe January 14th.
I have struggled through sock one up until today when I finally finished it.
I have had serious tests of faith in my ability to stick with one sock during this time. The most telling of which was the unfortunate alpaca incident last weekend in which I cast on and work half a toe before realizing that since I don't have the foot of an elephant, and I like a tightly knit sock I was going to have to go out and get some smaller (yes I did say smaller than US size 1.5!!!!) needles in order to continue with my sock knitting.
I have gone so far as to put the sock away in my cast away and remnents upright drawer thing so that I didn't have to look at the sock while I contemplated other socks and see it pleading for its chance to be good for me.

Finally I decided that while I will finish sock #1 it will remain mateless until I am off school in a couple of weeks to give it the full time attention it needs deserves and craves, and set my teeth on edge, and went back to it for the long haul. Down the foot of the sock I went cursing all the way. Finally today I get to the toe and begin working the final rounds victoriously while January's sock (that only arrived yesterday so I'm not doing too badly) stared on in jealousy...

I cast off sock one of December being victorious even in my never attempted kitchener join and eagerly threw down my needles to embark ambitiously upon my next project. The coveted January socks with their redness and cables and beauty. Then came the first dilemma do I do them cuff-down as the pattern suggests or do I be daring and decide to do them toe-up. After some intense discussion with my partner in crime Manna (who might I add has abandoned her December socks without so much as a backwards glance in favour of Cookie A.'s Hedera socks) we have decided that she will covert the sock pattern to toe-up and will attempt it in that manner, while I shall trudge along in the as written cuff down manner.

Quickly I cast on determined to perform the magic that is 2 socks on one circular needle magic loop style in order to avoid the dreaded second sock syndrome that has plagued me so horribly on these socks. I cast on sock number one and work one round of the pattern so that it is joined. Looking at this again I realize that I really did make a mistake as now I can't just cast on sock #2 on these needles, I need to cast them on on a different pair, work one round and then transfer them to the original set up. Ya... The fact that I figured that out logically was a pretty good sign that something wasn't going to go quite right.

So off I go, casting on sock number 2, working on joining it properly, even working that first round without any major incidents. Then I realize that in order to transfer the stitches how I need to, I need to transfer them to a waste string, and then pick them up in the opposite order. Sounds easy enough. So off I go, putting my stitches onto waste yarn. And then I go, to pick up my other pair of needles, and something bugs me as amiss. I look down at the size of the needle I am holding in my hand, and sure enough... it is the wrong size. I have pulled the stitches off of the wrong needle. So I go to put those stitches back onto the original needle, when I notice something strange about these ones too. The pattern calls for size 2.25 mm needles. The needles in my hand.... 2.5 mm. So, very calmly, I rip the whole mess of yarn off of both pairs of needles.

Tomorrow morning...
I shall attempt to cast on a simple pair of toe up sock in self-striping sock wool
No monsters should come and attack me for this, however, at this point, I'm not so sure that that will be true.
I would have cast on the socks tonight, but after I got downstairs I realized that I had left my 2.5mm needles up in the tangled mess of wool that is my January socks to be.

It appears that the sock honeymoon is over

We're just not going to talk about the past few scarf attempts either
It's better that way
I promise you don't want to hear about how alpaca has broken my heart twice in a row now
No I don't need therapy...
Just maybe some socks that actually keep their promise of being as fun to knit as they are to look at once they are finished

*sobs*

double_agent15 @ 2008-01-13T19:29:00

2008-01-14T00:31:58Z

Ok,

I'll admit it.

Every knitter has a weakness, and mine is socks
Specifically socks made out of bright self-striping sock yarn, that make simple socks created out of knitting in the round for days on end, with easy short row heels that don't need any gusset and preserve the precious integrity of the stripes....
I think I'm about to decide that absolutely no one can have too many pairs of socks....
And well.... at least my feet have stopped growing lol

If anyone needs me I'll be in the corner....
Casting on the next pair of socks....

Ooops..... I mean.... what?

2007-11-21T05:07:25Z

I may or may not have just completely ranted at my schools LGBT rep, in an overly long and pissed off e-mail.
About why I refuse to participate in my school's LGBT activities, and why an LGBT social night isn't going to work right now.
Ooops
I'd be upset, but it's far too much fun to be giddy over it, since these have been my complaints about his group and my school for over a year now.
*oops*
I guess you shouldn't ask for input and feedback unless you actually want it....
LOL

double_agent15 @ 2007-10-31T23:03:00

2007-11-01T03:09:21Z

I had my first day of training for my new job tonight....
It was exciting (well no, not really)
But I think it went really well, and it was kind of cool that everyone came to my defense when we were dealing with a difficult customer (It actually wasn't anything that I did.... Which means that I'm not letting it bug me but it was really cool that everyone was like "It's not her fault, she's only been working here for an hour")
And I learned how to fill coffee cups today, which is all kinds of exciting ;-)
But the people I was working with today were nice, and it's cool that the manager is trying to improve the standards of service at the place which meant that I wasn't always the only one being trained at times.
But the job itself isn't too hard (well at the moment, it seems like when it is busy there it will be harder, but only because you are trying to do so many things at once)
And ya, I'm excited (Which I didn't really think that I would ever say about working shift work in a mall (I work in a coffee shop) ) but I am actually looking forward to going back on Saturday
*YAY*

double_agent15 @ 2007-10-29T22:01:00

2007-10-30T02:02:49Z

I'm proud of myself

double_agent15 @ 2007-10-10T23:16:00

2007-10-11T03:30:13Z

I could probably sit here and type for a couple of hours about everything that I am stressed out about, and how I really just feel stuck at the moment. But, my wrists are really hurting today despite ice packs etc.
I'd worry about it in terms of interpreting etc. if I wasn't so sure it was just muscular... going to try some of that A5/35 type stuff and see if that helps.
But, there is just one thought and one thought only
It's pretty damn sad when the only way to stop everything that is going on in your head is to crank up the music as loud as it can go, and then start interpreting it because that is the only way that you can stop everything going on, and just focus yourself.
It just really sucks and I dislike this
massively

double_agent15 @ 2007-10-10T00:20:00

2007-10-10T04:24:10Z

Today really REALLY sucked
I have yet to figure out how eliminating at maximum $400 a month of expenses is going to save the company from financial ruin, but you know...
*sighs*
I don't know, I've been talking about finding another job for awhile now, and maybe this is the kick in the ass to actually do that. I have a good feeling about the paths I'm trying to take to do this, but I don't know.
I'm really pissed off about how they treated me over this.
I've worked for the company for longer than my boss has, his father, no, but the one who made the decision to "let me go" I've worked there for more than year longer than him, but he can't even be decent enough to give me more than 3 hours notice, or tell me himself.
So, I've sort of made the decision that no matter what I'm not going back, and it's time to network through a few contacts I have, and a couple that I've just not made yet (lol) and find something where I can actually use skills I am interested in rather than something that I just know how to do...
So keep your fingers crossed for me

double_agent15 @ 2007-10-05T00:37:00

2007-10-05T04:39:17Z

The sad thing is.... I know no one on my flist is going to get this, and I'm not going to explain it.....
but.....
Sometimes....
Deaf really is the better way
(not on the not hearing thing..... on a particular cultural value....)
So ya....
That's all I have to say

Stolen from Pammyla :-D

2007-10-02T22:17:36Z

I love gifties, both givin' and recievin'! :)

For the first three people that reply to this post, and who re-post this challenge: you win!!!

For your pirze, I will send you a gift. I love gifties!!!

It might be something I've made, or something cool from my hidden stash of fabulousity. It might be a mix CD, or a rubber duck, or a book I think you might enjoy. A love letter, a useful object, or something else that is awesome or myabe just taking up room in my house.

Whatever it is, I promise I will get it to you in 365 days of your posted comment or less, and I will need your snail mail.

The only thing you need to do to receive your gift is PARTICIPATE.

Be one of the first three journalers to reply to this, and post this very same thing in your journal, and YOU are the lucky giftee.

Just 'cuz.

Because you get what you need when you ask, and because it's fun to give people stuff.

Deaf Ninja

2007-09-22T02:19:04Z

Hee hee
Nancy (one of my teachers) comes into class today and is like... okay everyone go to youtube and search for Deaf Ninja and we're going to watch it and discuss it.
I have to say this is definitely the coolest thing that I've seen on youtube in quite awhile

What do you mean school starts tomorrow?

2007-09-05T02:36:59Z

It can't possibly be that time of year again!
*gasps*

But in other news...
Manna and I went away to Algonquin this weekend...
And we went horseback riding in Algonquin and that was really cool
And well, I'm a clutz and fell off the horse. *oops* But I didn't hurt anything too badly and wasn't really sore past yesterday. And then when we rode on Sunday again I didn't fall off the horse *YAY* but Manna was sadly kicked in the ankle by another horse who didn't like her horse *whoops* The good news is that nothing is broken, and that apparently ER doctors don't really know how she managed that one. She got really lucky lol.

But on the day in between all the riding, Manna had promised me that she'd catch me a frogie
And look!!!!

</a>

She did

And then we caught a toad, and then we caught all kinds of frogs around the lake where we stayed.
I think that this is the coolest thing.
They even put frogs in my hair, but we don't have a picture of that.

There may or may not be more pictures when I get my camera developed.
I sort of accidentally dropped it in the lake, and we're not so sure it's going to be developable (thank god it was just a disposable bought for exactly that kind of abuse ;-) ) Or else we'll just have to wait until Manna gets her pictures back and see which ones ended up on her camera...

double_agent15 @ 2007-08-26T01:38:00

2007-08-26T05:43:43Z

All I have to say is zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Manna and I went to Buffalo today to go shopping (in part because we needed things, in part because we wanted to)
But, we spent all day there... And I drove both ways.... on more highways than I have ever driven on in one day before (And that's saying something because driving back from Montreal was a good contender since I did all of the exchanges and stuff and Manna just drove the 401)
And we didn't cross the border back until like.... 11
So by the time I dropped her off and made it back home it was like 1....
And now I'm tired.
And not even my (by the time I finished it) ice cold timmy's decaff coffee purchased on the US side of the border (It's just fun to mention because it completely amuses me that the US has Timmies and a duty free in the same building) keeping me awake now....
I don't know what is.....
So.... I think I'm going to go to sleep.
I'm sure I might make it to coherant at some point tomorrow
But there wasn't a single craft shop out of the big 3 that were safe from us lol
Poor US craft stores....

double_agent15 @ 2007-07-26T22:51:00

2007-07-27T02:55:56Z

Just a song that I've been hearing on the radio...
I like it...

If she wants to dance and drink all night then there’s no one that can stop her. She’s going until the house lights come up or her stomach spills onto the floor. This night is going to end when we’re damn well ready for it to be over. Worked all week long now the music is playing on our time. We do what we do to get by, and then we need a release

You get mixed up with the wrong guys. You get messed up on the wrong drugs. Sometimes the party takes you places that you didn’t really plan on going. When people see the track marks on her arms she knows what they’re thinking. She keeps on working for that minimum, as if a high school eductaion offered any other options. They don’t know nothing about redemption. They don’t know nothing about recovery. Some people just aint the type for marriage and family.

No mother ever dreams that her daughters going to grow up to be a junkie.
No mother ever dreams that her daugherrs going to grow up to sleep alone.

She’s out of step with the style. She don’t know where the actions happening. You know the downtown club scene aint nothing like it used to be. You reach a point where there’s not a lie in the world that you could use to make the boys believe your still in you twenties. She’s not waitng for them to come over and ask for the privledge. She can still here that Rebel Yell just as loud as it was in 1983. There aint no Johnny coming home to share a bed with her and she doesn’t care.

No mother ever dreams that her daughters going to grow up to be a junkie.
No mother ever dreams that her daughters going to grow up to sleep alone.

If she had to live it all over again you know she wouldn’t change anything for the world.

YAY It's more fun filled drama

2007-07-10T04:11:29Z

As I really don't like to stir the pot too much, especially on something this stupid... Here is my 2 cents...

For background info because I think only 2 people on my friends list will have any clue what this is about... A community that I'm part of is taking offense to people with "racy" user icons and is stating that posts made with such icons will be deleted.

First of all, LJ (mostly this community, but the majority of people that I've found using LJ) are adults, if not legally recognized as such, are at an age where they can make their own decisions of what is and is not appropriate. That is not to say that they don't slip up once in awhile, we all do, but they are at an age where they do have a sense of judgement, and can judge what consequences their actions might have, even if they don't always get it right.

The argument is being made that user pics should be kept to a G rating based on the fact that people viewing at work might get into trouble for it, or a person with children might have their children reading over their shoulder. In regards to the work comment, if looking at a site like LJ where it is obvious that content is going to be beyond your control at work could get you in trouble from internet monitoring equipment or your boss, why are you on it at work? I would argue that it is not the poster's responsibility to save your butt at work, but your own, and while your breaks etc. are technically your time, not the company's you have to know what the limits are, and whether that is a risk you are willing to take. As far as children are concerned, I see it like this, A) if they are old enough to understand the innuendos etc. then they are old enough to have the truth of it explained to them, and B) I look at it this way, my computer is in the living room, if anyone wants to they can walk into the kitchen and see my screen. I do view things that are explicit and not family appropriate, I keep multiple browsers open and can switch when people come near so they don't have to see or have any part in what I am viewing. Yes it interrupts what I am doing, but I have to respect that they have no wish to see that. I see that parents are responsible for their own child's internet usage, whether that be first or second hand usage. Especially on a site like this where you can't control what other people are posting (and nor do I think you should) you have to watch and make sure. This isn't a site for children, at least not most of it, though some is definitely more early teen/preteen friendly. And should not be treated like it is.

And what is appropriate is so subjective. There was a particular post that was made with a userpicture of a scantily clad woman cross stitching with the caption of Cross stitchers are XXX rated. They were informed that this user picture was fine as there was nothing showing, but were told that a cartoon of a real mouse humping a computer mouse was dirty and vulgar. One real.... one not... Like honestly, come on. But I sincerely don't believe that the onus should be on posters to protect the viewer's asses. If viewing something like that is upsetting to you or could get you into trouble then you need to find somewhere else to go. I really don't feel like there is any point or any need for this kind of censorship on the internet. There are enough forums out there that if you don't like the way one is set up you can find another or start your own. Lord only knows it wouldn't be the first time that was done. And I'm sure there are some people out there who will tell me that I should take my own advice, and I'm definitely considering it. This is pushing it too far. Someone asked a couple of ethical questions about copyright. In response we got a giant mod post reminding us that the rules of the community were that we could not request methods of violating copyright or post links/information on how to violate copyright on the community. No one broke those rules. In fact there were disclaimers stating that there was no intent to break those rules. They were just questions. Nothing more. Mostly from people who did not wish to break rules, and wanted to ensure that they were not.

I guess I'm just really frustrated. I see absolutely no reason why things have to be censored. Yes I am a mod, yes I know what that is like. My second job is as a paid mod for a web board. I know what being a mod entails. No, I don't see nearly this shit happening. Why? Because the basic rule is respect other people. Beyond that, I don't care. I don't see how a group of 3 people, who are modding a community of over 1500 people can possibly try to control it, or succeed. Their rule of thumb after proposing this change, is to e-mail the mods with a user pic before you use it, to clarify whether or not it is appropriate or not. Manna blatently asked whether her user pic (I lost my pussy, can I pet yours) would be considered appropriate, especially as there are 2 ways it can be taken, and received some long winded reply about how people's opinions about what is appropriate differ, and that they are trying to come up with clear guidelines. Someone suggested PG-13 as the site requires registered users to be 13 and were told that children might be looking so they must be G rated.

Give me a fucking break.
It jsut really pisses me off when people try to censor something on behalf of a few people who "might" be looking or get into trouble.
What's next, the few cross stitches people have created (I distinctly remember one) that are quite explicit being banned, because although they are the medium being discussed someone might not see the giant NWS warnings and open it at work? Or might not see their 3 year old walk up behind them, and they have to explain what a penis is?
Sorry, I don't work on it might maybe happen

okay... I'm done ranting now... This just REALLY pissed me off.